I grew up being told creative projects made fun hobbies but wouldn’t pay the bills, and therefore creativity was something to practice after the work was done, after all my responsibilities were fulfilled, after the money was made.

But our responsibilities are never completely fulfilled, are they? There’s always something else that needs to be done. So throughout many of my adult years, my artistic self was shoved into tiny dark boxes, rarely allowed to emerge, and my creative muscles atrophied for years. I decided I wasn’t an artist: I just liked to do creative hobbies once in a while, when I had time. I almost never had time.

Burnout was inevitable, and when I crashed, I crashed hard. Years of forcing myself to function as much like a neurotypical person as I could, by neglecting not only my creativity but my mental and physical health, left me so depleted I could barely get off the couch for months. And I was lucky: while we’re anything but wealthy, my family has found a way for us to manage without me going back to work outside the home. I’m still not in any kind of robust state, but I did manage to get off the couch and start doing more care tasks, and eventually I started creating again. It was difficult at first, and not always enjoyable, but even those first faltering creative efforts brought a deep sense of relief. It sounds dramatic, but it’s true: my soul was starving, and creativity was the food she needed.

The culture we live in doesn’t value the arts unless they generate piles of money. If you want to be a full time professional artist you’re expected to hustle, producing new work constantly without fallow times, and to become a consistent, immediately recognizable brand. Both of these expectations are detrimental to the creative process. We need rest. We need exploration and creative play. We need to grow and evolve. Art is not factory assembly line material: art is a living being. In my experience, the quickest way to kill the creative soul is to harness them to obligation and expectation. I’m not saying no one should sell their art. I’m not saying I would never sell my own art. I’m saying that the artist who makes themself into a one-person sweat shop is heading for burnout faster than you can say “capitalist hellscape.”

And you don’t get a break from productivity culture if you’re lucky enough to not work a day job. Especially if you present as female. Because when you don’t have a day job, you’ll be expected to justify WHY you don’t have a day job. You’ll be expected to have a spotless home, to cook every meal from scratch with wholesome ingredients, to have no needs from the overculture, in order to prove you’re worthy of … I don’t even know what. Living, I guess.

And art? Eh. If it doesn’t make money, then you’ll be expected to save it for your “free time”. And you will never have free time. You need to be creative in order to feel alive? Too bad. The floor needs mopping. The data needs entering. The books need balancing. You can feel alive when you finish your chores.

But what if? What if you said “fuck it” and made art anyway? What if you left the dirty dishes for tomorrow and spent this afternoon drawing, or painting, or sewing? What if you decided not to go buy new towels, but instead decided to listen to your favorite music while binding a handmade book? What’s the worst thing that would happen?

Now I know there are things we all have to do to survive. Work thankless jobs, sometimes. Keep our homes clean enough to not breed deadly pathogens, feed ourselves the best we can, wash our clothes and our bodies. Care tasks are important – but only in support of our well being and the wellbeing of those we love. But, as a dear friend pointed out to me a few months ago, beyond maintaining our bodies and creating safe homes to live in, productivity is bullshit. 

No really. It’s bullshit.

All of this is why I think today’s prompt may be one of the most important ones in this whole series. Because I propose we cut productivity out of our vocabulary and values entirely, and replace it with nurturing. 

Not only because no one needs to beat themself up every day over a lack of productity, but also because if we shift our focus to nurturing ourselves and the ones we love, then making time for our creative selves can be as important as doing the laundry and cooking supper. If we wake up and ask ourselves, “how can I nurture myself today?”, “make art” can easily be part of the answer. 

And, even better? We can put care tasks in service of creative acts. We can decide what needs to be done in a day according to how well it feeds ALL of us, including (or maybe especially) our creativity.

Does our creativity need a clear surface for us to work on? Well then we tidy a surface. Do we need good light to take a photo of a piece of art? Then maybe we will clean that window. We need to be well fed physically in order to focus: so maybe we make a nourishing meal. 

So today I only have ONE question for us all to ponder, and that is: How can I nurture my creativity today, and in the future?

I hope you find creative answers.

Photo by Mark Shideler, courtesy of Unsplash.

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